I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
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