My room smells like vodka and shame
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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