It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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