She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
