dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
