hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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