my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
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