got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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