bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
