girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
