i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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