he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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