Already got asked if we're dating
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
