i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize