roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
