the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
