his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
