honey bunches of taint.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
