I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
