I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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