so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
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