Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
