fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
