So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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