party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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