did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
