You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
