You're so nebulous sometimes
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I just want to make out with him forever
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Randomize
