my mouth tastes like poor choices
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
