We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
