my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
