cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
