He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
