Yo dont text me then not text me
My underwear smells like fireworks.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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