That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
