i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Someone shattered a urinal.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
