He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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