you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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