i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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