U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
