Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
