he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I think my vagina is haunted
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
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