is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
