so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Randomize
