it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
