can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
