I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
