remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
