walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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