WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
