i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
