it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
She bit a glass in half.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
