It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
