my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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