in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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