I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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