Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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