walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
