He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
