Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
