nut hugger
what day is it and did you see me today?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Randomize
