New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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