ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
