We won't sleep together?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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