i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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