I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
