Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
