This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
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